You have a few great dates with someone, and you feel like things are moving in a positive direction. Their body language even indicates that they are interested. But, then you notice over a few weeks that texts never turn into actual plans, and eventually, they stop responding. Unfortunately, this is all too common in the world of online dating.
Need help identifying a slow fader? Here are five signs your date is pulling a slow fade:
1. They take more time to respond to messages
Did your date used to respond within minutes to your texts, but now they take hours? Those hours could lead to days pretty soon. While there's no right amount of time to respond to someone, you should be wary of any changes in communication patterns. Any changes could indicate that they are pulling a slow fade.
2. Their responses are shorter
Do you notice a behavioral change? Are your date's responses now shorter and less enthusiastic? Then something is definitely up. When you're dating someone, you shouldn't have to worry about when you're going to see them next, or when they'll respond to your texts.
3. They stop making plans
Did your date used to invite you to specific events, but now they just send a vague, "Sure, let's hang out" every once in a while? The reality is that slow faders might want to see you again, but not to the extent that they actually want to make concrete plans with you. Another sign that they are pulling a slow fade is if they no longer put effort into dates. Instead, all your date wants to do is sometimes Netflix and chill with you.
4. You always text them first
Do you always end up initiating the conversation, but then it falls flat? An interested partner would continue to engage you in conversation. Someone who's pulling a slow fade will let the conversation quickly die out. If you notice that your date only responds with short answers and doesn't ask you any followup questions, they could be trying to fade out of your life.
5. You're not a priority
Slow faders will keep you around as a backup, but they won't prioritize you. If you feel like you aren't a priority, then it's probably true.
Listen to your gut
It's easy for a slow fader to make excuses for their behavior -- they can easily attribute it to a vacation, new job, or illness. If you sense a shift in their energy and behavior, your gut is most likely right that they are pulling a slow fade. Confront them as soon as you notice that change in energy. Let your date know that you sense they are no longer interested in you and that you're looking for a relationship that's built on honesty and communication. Wish them the best of luck and move on. You deserve better!
- "6 Signs The Person You're Dating is Pulling a 'Slow Fade' -- And How to Handle It Like a Pro," Women's Health, May 6, 2019.
- "Disappearing Act: Why He Pulls the Slow Fade," Marie Claire, October 16, 2013.