IntroIn the world of dating, nothing is more controversial than sex on the first date. Some argue it sets the wrong tone for a relationship, while others say there's nothing wrong with it -- in fact, it's a good way to see early on if you're sexually compatible with someone. But the question still remains -- should you have sex on the first date?

There's no clear-cut answer

Most relationship experts agree that, when it comes to having sex on the first date, there's no definitive yes or no answer. Some people can handle first date sex, while others simply can't. However, there can be a lot of positives to having sex on the first date:

  • He'll come back for more. If you decide to have sex on the first date, and it's good, then the guy you're dating will keep on wanting to hang out with you. Men are super basic when it comes to dating and sex -- if they like you, then they like you no matter what.
  • It eliminates all that sexual tension. There's nothing worse than the sexual tension that can build up over three or four dates. With each date that you don't have sex, the pressure builds, and you can end up making sex a bigger deal than it actually is. But if you have sex on the first date, then you get it out of the way.
  • You can't deny chemistry. No matter how you put it, chemistry is chemistry! If you have undeniable chemistry with someone, why not embrace it?
  • You can find out sooner if he's a jerk. If he ghosts you after having sex on the first date, then you'll know for sure he's not worth your time. It's better to find this out sooner rather than later.
  • Most men are fine with it. According to a lot of different studies, most men are totally fine with sex on the first date, and they won't think any differently about a woman after it. Chances are if you want sex on the first date, so does he!
  • You can discover if you're sexually compatible. Sexual compatibility is super important in any relationship. By having sex on the first date, you can gauge if you're actually sexually compatible with one another. And if you aren't, then it's easier to move on.

Though having sex on the first date might leave you feeling insecure and unsure of yourself because of confusing societal messages, it won't ruin your chances for a second date. This is especially true if the sex was amazing!

Listen to your intuition

When it comes to having sex on the first date, listen to your intuition. If you're feeling strong physical chemistry with him, and the mood is right, then go for it. Don't worry that a guy will lose interest if you have sex too soon. If he's truly into you, and he's looking for something more serious, then he'll stick around. Plus if the guy does end up ditching you right after he slept with you on the first date, he probably didn't have a real interest in you anyway.

It's also important to explore your motives for wanting to have sex on the first date. Are you trying to impress your date? Or are you looking to satisfy your own needs? Do you want to see if you both are sexually compatible? Make sure you're having sex for the right reasons, and that you feel secure in your decision. Don't ever have sex on the first date to make someone more interested in you.

Bottom line: when it comes to sex on the first date, do what feels right for you. But know the reasons why you're doing it.

References
  1. "Is it a Mistake to Have Sex on the First Date?," Cosmopolitian, May 6, 2007.
  2. "Sex on the First Date? Don't Feel Ashamed," Psychology Today, January 29, 2014.
  3. "Why are We Still Trying Not to Have Sex on the First Date?," Self, November 22, 2016.

dating | sex advice