Looking for love is a processHave you spent months — or maybe even years — on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble but haven't had any luck? Do you fear you'll be single forever? You're not alone — tons of people are looking for love, too. If you're worried about being single forever, here's how to find love.

Looking for love is a process

Finding love takes time and dedication. You just can't go out and expect to meet someone right away. The process of finding someone involves a lot of self-reflection and inner growth. Here are some guidelines to help steer you along in your quest:

  • What are you looking for? Do you want a hook-up or something more? Be honest with yourself. People tend to pursue short-term partners differently than they do long-term partners. People who are similar tend to pair off for long-term relationships.
  • Are you ready to invest? Long-term relationships require substantial investment. This could mean money, time, and emotional investment. You have to be willing to be vulnerable and open in order to foster commitment.
  • Do you realize your own value? On the journey to finding love, it's important that you understand your own value in a relationship. If you're unsure of what you have to offer, then taking a closer look might be worth it. Assess what you bring to the table before looking for potential mates.

Social relationships

  • Have you had the opportunity to grow? While social relationships can help you grow as a person, you don't necessarily need to be in a relationship to experience considerable self-growth. You should try something new to help diversify your abilities, perspectives, skills, and beliefs. You'll become a more interesting prospective partner for others.
  • Do you have a sense of humor? People like funny people and positive humor is helpful in attracting a potential partner. You should steer clear of sarcasm or jokes that are at the expense of others, which will make you seem inconsiderate.
  • Are you willing to let your friends help? When you're looking for love, friends can be super helpful. They can serve as a support system at social gatherings, making it less intimidating for you to approach a stranger. Enlist them in your efforts to find love.
  • Can you uphold your standards? Some people are so afraid of being alone forever that they will stay in unsatisfying relationships. But being single can still be a rewarding experience. You should hold out for a relationship that meets your standards.

back to basicsBack to some basic rules

You can also boost your chances of finding rule love by following some basic rules experts recommend:

  • Don't follow the "you'll find love when you least expect it" logic. If you applied the same logic to jobs, chances are, you'd still be unemployed. While you should put in the effort to put yourself out there, you shouldn't be desperate. Don't get together with just anyone who comes your way.
  • Hang out where you can actually meet people. Preferably, they should share the same interests as you. Join social groups or meet-ups. You can also try to find people online through dating sites or apps.
  • Don't stare into your phone all day long. If you're not actively looking around, you're bound to meet no one. Always be present, and look around the room to see who is looking at you.
  • Seek partnership. While romance is fun once in awhile, you should prioritize partnership. Look for a partner who gives and takes, and who values your opinion.
  • Find happiness. Happy people tend to attract more people. No one wants to be with someone who's unhappy. Try to improve yourself by seeing a therapist, joining a gym, and meeting with a nutritionist.
  • Don't be afraid to be alone. If you've recently broken up with someone, take some time to be single. Reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, and what you've learned from your mistakes.

selfie

  • Don't bank on sexual attraction — it fades with time. Most good love develops over time. Emotions can change over time, too, so give people chances.
  • Opposites don't attract. Research has found that most people in successful long-term relationships are actually really similar. The more you agree on, the less there is to argue about.
  • Embrace the process of dating. Yes, it's a bumpy ride, but you have to kiss a lot of toads before you'll find your prince. You should date 3-to-5 people at a time before you can find someone to be exclusive with. And remember that dating someone doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with them.
  • If they're just not that into you, let them go. Don't pine for someone who's unavailable -- instead, move on.

Finding the one is possible

Hang in there! While the process of dating can be incredibly frustrating, you can find the one. Remember that it takes time, though. Really put yourself out there, and don't settle for less. And in the meantime, learn how to embrace being single.

References
  1. "12 Basic Rules to Find Love," Today, February 13, 2017.
  2. "7 Trusted Tips for Finding Love," Psychology Today, January 4, 2016.
  3. "Can't Find Love? Here's Why," Huffington Post, November 17, 2011.
  4. "If You Want to Find Love, Ask Yourself These Questions," Huffington Post, May 31, 2017.

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