Some people dream of finding the one and being with that person forever. For others, the mere thought of settling down is terrifying. If you’ve found someone you really care about, but you’re trying to get over your fear of commitment, here are seven strategies for overcoming it:
1. Acknowledge your fear
Recognizing and acknowledging your fear of commitment enables you to understand what’s going on with your emotions and take the steps necessary to alleviate your fears.
2. Spend time with couples in healthy relationships
Being exposed to healthy romantic relationships can help provide you with a more balanced view of relationships. This is especially true if you’ve witnessed unhealthy relationships growing up, which can instill a fear of intimacy and commitment.
3. Build competence
A lot of people fear relationships because they’re worried about getting hurt. But when you feel competent that you can handle anything in a relationship, your commitment fears subside. Remember that, just because you don’t want to experience the negative emotions, doesn’t mean that you can’t handle them.
4. Think about the payoffs
There must be a reason why so many people are in serious, committed relationships. It’s because they come with perks. Most people have a natural desire to connect and to share their life with. Committing to someone gives a sense of meaning, purpose, and direction, which can be very satisfying.
5. Focus on today
Instead of freaking out about tomorrow, try to focus on the present. Think about what you are getting from the present moment, turning your attention to what makes it safe, comfortable, and trustworthy.
6. Stop making excuses
Most commitment-phobes dodge relationships, citing careers and lack of good options. Stop using reasons why you’re alone and not dating that sound legitimate. Instead, realize that you are merely making excuses.
7. Find the right person
A lot of times, people are afraid of commitment because they’re going for the wrong person. Figure out what qualities and values are important to you in a partner, once you’re ready to start dating more seriously.
Face your fears
Getting over that nagging feeling inside of you that’s telling you to bail can be challenging. A big part of overcoming a fear of commitment is learning to feel comfortable being vulnerable. Anxiety around being vulnerable can cause you to act emotionally unavailable, instigate fights, and even pull away. Try the above strategies to help you overcome your fears!
References
- “5 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment,” Huffington Post, June 3, 2014.
- “How to Get Over a Fear of Commitment Instead of Letting it Hold You Back,” Bustle, September 8, 2015.
