How to have make up sex the right way
A lot of couples say the best part of arguing is the passionate make-up sex after. But that 0-60 heat that comes from a fight can also be addictive. If you want to learn how to use that passion to fuel you in the right way, here are seven tips for hookin' up after blowin’ up:
1. Treat disagreements as verbal foreplay
Most couples are sexually aroused by disagreements. In fact, anger produces adrenaline, which creates a response similar to sexual arousal. Instead of sending a small disagreement into a full-blown fight, hold back harsh words or accusations and avoid any cruelty. Just let your hormones take control.
2. Cut the tension with laughter
Even small disagreements with your partner can drain you. But humor can be healing, and laughter and forgiveness in and of themselves can be highly arousing. Cracking jokes can make both of you realize the ridiculousness of the argument you’re having. The two of you will loosen up and move to gearing up for a night of passion.
3. Keep your last word short
You may feel the need to make an angry closing statement before you can move on from fighting to sexier activity. If this is the case, make your statement brief and engage your partner with eye contact as you express your feelings.
4. Establish a truce with a make-up ritual
When the argument is going in circles, find a communal way to wave the white flag and hit pause on the convo. This doesn’t necessarily have to involve sex directly; the two of you can shower together or give each other massages.
5. Take a breather
Many of us need a time-out after a disagreement. Use 15 minutes or so to go for a walk, bathe, read, or take some deep breaths to re-center. Exercise can also be helpful in calming down and getting out their frustrations in a healthy way while feeling sexy at the same time. Once you’ve put yourself back together, you can initiate makeup sex by giving your partner a hug.
6. Try solo sex
Sometimes there’s some emotional distance with makeup sex because the two of you may be holding onto residual anger. However, you can use this as an opportunity to find release solo. When you're less tense and more clear-headed, you can pick up where you left off with your partner.
7. Don't use it as a band-aid
Acknowledge that sex does not fix everything. It can be a way to bring you back together and help you reset to have a more even-keeled conversation, but the conversations still have to be had.
Coming together after a tense difference
All couples fight. But it’s what follows a fight that matters most. Sex can be a great way to bring closure to tough and tense conversations, and can even get you in a better place to continue those conversations if you find yourselves hitting a wall. But it should never replace them. If you and your partner can settle differences, your relationship can grow and strengthen.
- "Explosive Sex: The Surprising Turn-On You Can't Ignore," Redbook, June 8, 2004.
- "The Science Behind Make-up Sex," Shape, June 24, 2015.
- "The 10 Best Things About Make-Up Sex," Cosmopolitan, November 6, 2015.
- "Why Make-Up Sex and Breakup Sex Are So Good," Psychology Today, February 10, 2013.