Learn how to enjoy and initiate sex after a dry spell
Given the coronavirus pandemic and everything else going on in the world, dating has been hard. With virtual dates quickly becoming the new norm, you might have recently noticed that it’s been a while since you last had actual sex.
Jumping back into bed can feel daunting
Sleeping with someone can feel scary and daunting, especially if you haven’t had sex in a long time. But that is a natural reaction. Having sex is intimate and requires one to be vulnerable. This can lead to increased anxiety and worry. Some people are concerned that potential partners might judge their physique while others fear that their skills aren’t up to snuff. Not to mention, we’re currently in the midst of a pandemic, so meeting potential partners in-person and initiating sex can feel unsafe and pose health risks.
Reconnecting with your sexuality doesn’t have to be intimidating. Whether you and your partner have been going through a dry spell or you’re starting fresh with someone new, here are seven ways to help you get more comfortable with sex again:
1. Explore your body
Explore your body by creating opportunities for masturbation. Allow yourself to fantasize and reconnect with your sexual self in bed or the shower. If your body has changed, use this time to be curious about new ways you may experience pleasure. The more you understand your body and how it responds best to pleasure, the more you’ll be able to get aroused.
2. Focus on your body
Once you’ve spent time exploring your body, it’s now time to focus on it more! This means getting out of your own head when it comes to sex. When you’re worried about what your partner thinks of your stomach or what you should do after work tomorrow, it can be hard to detect pleasurable feelings when they arise. Focus on your body and the bodily sensations that you’re feeling to help ground you in the present moment.
3. Set the mood
Think about what helps set the mood for you. Do you prefer background music? Do you like the lights dimmed? Do you feel more confident in a t-shirt? Which props do you enjoy using? Some advanced planning can help you feel sexier in the moment.
4. Take it slow
When you start to feel anxious about rushing toward the finish line, remember to take things slow. Giving yourself permission to be in the moment and not focus on climaxing can help keep the pressure off. Have a conversation with your partner ahead of time to set the tone and expectations. Focus on exploration and play rather than performance and orgasm.
5. Prioritize self-care
Stress is a huge libido killer. Carve out time to pamper yourself and dedicate more time to activities that help destress you, such as working out, yoga, sleeping in, journaling, and meditating. Prioritizing self-care will transform you into a calmer and happier version of yourself, which will improve your sex life when the time is right.
6. Boost your ego
Sometimes a dry spell can make you feel anxious because it makes you feel undesirable. To counteract these negative feelings, reconnect with your sexuality and boost your self-confidence by reading some erotic literature, shopping for lingerie, or experimenting with a new sex toy.
7. Check in with yourself
You might be extra stressed out (re: hello, coronavirus). Or maybe you’re having a hard time processing some things on your mind. Whatever it is, be sure to check in with yourself to see how you’re handling issues that feel challenging to move past. This might mean journaling or finding a therapist with whom you can explore your feelings.
Everyone goes through lulls
Don’t beat yourself up for having gone through a dry spell, especially since this can feed into a negative self-image. As long as you’re taking the appropriate steps to maintain a healthy sex life, like masturbating when you don’t have a current partner, and reaching out for professional help if your libido has dropped, then it doesn’t matter if that sex life is underactive.
References
- “How to Break Through a Dry Spell — Whether You’re Single or Not,” Women’s Health, December 1, 2019.
- “How to Enjoy Sex After a Dry Spell, According to a Sex Therapist,” Prevention, March 10, 2020.
