Unfortunately, in the age of online dating, ghosting is more common than it should be. That's because there's no one holding the ghost (the person doing the ghosting) accountable for their actions. Without someone in common to point out how cowardly and immature it is to ghost, the ghoster can just disappear without any consequences. There's a good chance that, if you're on Tinder and OkCupid, you'll probably be ghosted at some point (if you haven't already been). Here's how to respond if you've been ghosted:
1. Make sure you've actually been ghosted
While some cases of ghosting are very clear cut, others can be a bit murky. Maybe the person you're dating goes from texting you several times a day to every other day, or they start to only text one-word answers. Before you panic, don't assume that you're being ghosted. It could be that the person is experiencing a personal emergency and doesn't want to tell you.
2. Call them out on it
If someone ghosts you, don't be afraid to call them out on it. Send them a message that lets them know how cowardly their behavior is. While you probably won't get a response, it'll make you feel better. Plus, they'll know that their actions are unacceptable.
3. Don't contact them again
If you decide to call the ghoster out on their ghosting, only do it once. After that, don't contact them again. You don't want to send them angry emails and hate texts. Instead, take the high road and realize that it wasn't meant to be with this person.
4. Delete them off of social media
You should block the ghoster's number and email address, delete them off of Instagram and Facebook, and remove them from your contacts. By deleting the ghoster off of social media, you are depriving them of the opportunity to reach out to you again.
5. Don't blame yourself
Don't blame yourself for their behavior. While it might be tempting to overanalyze what you did wrong, what you could've done differently, or anything that places the blame on you, don't do it. Ultimately, you did nothing wrong. Your ghoster should've been mature enough to have a conversation with you instead of immediately disappearing, leaving you high and dry.
6. Talk about it
Putting your thoughts and feelings into words to another person can help you to process painful experiences. Talk to your friends and family about the ghoster and how their behavior made you feel to better understand and move on from the situation.
Just let it go
There's no doubt about it -- being ghosted sucks. But whatever happened, you'll feel better when you move on. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself and move at your own pace. Make sure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising, all of which will help keep you from feeling completely down in the dumps. Remember that you deserve someone who's mature enough not to ghost!
- "6 Ways to Deal with the Pain of Being Ghosted," Psychology Today, May 14, 2017.
- "7 Ways to Respond When You're Ghosted," Bustle, October 19, 2015.