When you're thinking about your dream partner, there's probably a lot of stuff that makes your list. Maybe it's a great sense of humor or someone who loves lazy Sundays just as much as you do. Just like you have your dream list, you should also keep a list of things you'd never in a billion years ever tolerate. Here are the top nine most important relationship deal-breakers, according to dating experts:
1. They cancel plans at the last minute
It sucks when you have to cancel plans at the last minute. If you find your partner does this often, it could signal that they don't respect your time, plans, and interests. This is especially true if they cancel plans to hang with their friends.
2. You're not on the same page financially
During the beginning stages of a relationship, finances might not seem like a big deal. But as you become closer and start to plan out the future, these differences could cause a lot of friction. For example, your partner is extra thrifty and you enjoy living it up, or you value stability while your partner is spontaneous. That's why not having similar financial outlooks and spending behaviors is a total deal-breaker.
3. They ignore issues
One of the most important things about being in a relationship is ensuring you and your partner are both happy. If you find that your partner continually ignores or minimizes issues you bring up regarding the relationship, this is a total deal-breaker. Communication is foundational.
4. They're disinterested
If you notice that your partner seems completely indifferent the majority of the time, that's a huge deal-breaker. This might mean that your partner talks a lot about themselves and never asks you questions, or that they never compliment you.
5. You don't have the same values
While attraction and chemistry are great, if you don't have the same or similar values, your relationship might be doomed. For long-term success, you both must see eye-to-eye on core values like integrity, ambition, and family.
6. They fight dirty
Does your partner talk down to you whenever you both get into a fight? If so, you may want to end the relationship asap. Your partner should never make you feel unsafe or bad about yourself (period).
7. They're hung up on someone else
If you're super into your partner, but they still seem hung up on their ex, you shouldn't let that slide. Date only people who really dig you — you deserve it!
8. They have no goals
For many people, a lack of ambition or career goals is a huge turn-off. This isn't the case for everyone, though. But, if you're very determined and career-oriented yourself, pairing with someone who isn't career-driven could be detrimental to the relationship. Plus, if your partner doesn't have goals, they might not be thinking about the future, and thus it's hard to make a future with them.
9. They deny a substance abuse issue
If you are with someone who's dealing with addiction, you may feel like you have to stay with them. However, if it's taking a toll on you and they aren't seeking help, it could be time to walk away. Untreated substance abuse issues can wreak havoc on a relationship.
You deserve only the very best
When it comes to relationships, don't ever settle. Know what your personal deal-breakers are, and don't be afraid to set firm boundaries. Remember that your soulmate is out there waiting for you.
- "11 of the Biggest Deal-Breakers in a Relationship, According to Experts," Business Insider, November 4, 2019.
- "The Top Ten Relationship Deal Breakers," Psychology Today, October 17, 2015.